Suggesting marriage counselling can feel risky. You might worry that your husband or wife will feel blamed, embarrassed, or think you are giving up on the relationship. In many families, there is also a fear of what relatives would say. Here is how to convince your partner to try marriage counselling gently, and what you can do if they are not ready.
Ways to convince your partner to try marriage counselling
Start by choosing the right moment. Avoid suggesting counselling in the middle of an argument, when it can sound like a threat. Pick a calm time when you are both rested and not in front of children or family.
Talk about “us”, not “you”
Explain what you want for the relationship rather than listing your partner’s faults. For example: “I miss how we used to talk. I would like us to find a way to stop fighting like this, and I think a counsellor could help us both.”
Make it clear that counselling is not about deciding who is right. A couples counsellor stays neutral and helps both partners be heard.
Address common worries
“Our problems are private.” Sessions are confidential, and online counselling means nobody sees you arriving at a clinic.
“The counsellor will take your side.” Suggest choosing the counsellor together, or let your partner ask questions before booking.
“It is too much commitment.” Suggest trying one or two sessions first and deciding together afterwards.
“I would prefer to talk in Gujarati or Hindi.” Many couples counsellors, including ours, offer sessions in more than one language.
What if your partner refuses?
You can still start on your own. Individual sessions can help you understand the patterns between you, look after your own wellbeing and decide how to approach your partner. Sometimes, when one person changes how they respond, the dynamic shifts too, and partners often feel more comfortable joining later.
If you feel unsafe at home, or if there is any violence, put your safety first. In an emergency, call 112.
Frequently asked questions
Can marriage counselling work if only one partner goes?
It can still help. You can understand your patterns, look after yourself and decide how to approach your partner. Joint sessions usually work best for relationship problems, so your partner can join later.
How do I get my husband to go to marriage counselling?
Raise it calmly, talk about what you want for the relationship rather than his faults, address his worries about privacy and taking sides, and suggest trying just one or two sessions.
Can you force your spouse to go to counselling?
No. Counselling works best when both people choose to attend. Starting individually is often the best next step.
Talk to someone
We offer marriage and couples counselling online, in English, Hindi or Gujarati.
Book AppointmentThis article is general information, not a personal assessment or medical advice.